


Come into the open

by energie_vie



Series: Gooey [6]
Category: The Old Guard (Comics), The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Fight Sex, Light Angst, Love, Mild Language, POV Nile Freeman, Post-Movie: The Old Guard (2020), Smut, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:20:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27669452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/energie_vie/pseuds/energie_vie
Summary: " 'It's my job to take care of you,' he snaps, lifting his left hand and wiggling his fingers to show her his wedding band.'No, it's not!' Nile roars. 'Your job,' she continues, lifting her own left hand and showing himherwedding band, 'is to be my partner. I need you next to me. Not in front of me, not behind me,next to me!' "OR: Nile's 101 on how to handle Booker when he's being a reckless idiot AND bottling things up.
Relationships: Booker | Sebastien le Livre/Nile Freeman
Series: Gooey [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1983568
Comments: 10
Kudos: 118





	Come into the open

**Author's Note:**

> Be warned, this one is a bit of an emotional rollercoaster :) As usual, the title is taken from Always by Erasure.
> 
> Since this series deals with their wonderfully happy established relationship, if you'd like to see how they ended up in it, feel free to check out the [Magnetic](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1987831) series, which acts as a prequel.
> 
> I've kept the references to other stories at a minimum, so this one can easily be read as a standalone, but for extra context, check the end notes.

'Everyone ok?' Andy asks, scrutinising each of them with calculated eyes. 'Book, what the hell happened to _you_?' she asks, frowning.

Nile quickly shoves her hands in her pockets and clenches both fists so forcefully that she feels her short nails digging into her palms. She takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, turning towards Booker who looks as if he'd been standing in front of a firing squad.

His hair is matted, there's a streak of blood on his forehead that he probably doesn't even know about, his tac vest is missing, god only knows why and the black hoodie he's wearing is dirty, bloodied and full of bullet holes. The idiot just shrugs, smiling lopsidedly and Nile feels like punching him in the face.

'Were you _aiming_ to get shot as many times as possible?' Quynh asks. 'Or did you place another stupid bet with Joe?'

'Hey, don't drag me into this, I only got shot once and it wasn't even a lethal one!'

'Actually, my heart…' Nicky chuckles and he's about to say something else but Nile doesn't really care about the continuation.

'Can we go now?' she interjects, struggling to keep her tone in check.

The others shouldn't bear the brunt of her anger. That's all for Booker, but not before they get to the safehouse because even as pissed off as she is right now, she doesn't want an audience.

'In five. Let me call Copley and tell him we're done here,' Andy says, pulling out her phone from one of her many pockets. 'Actually, you guys go ahead,' she adds as an afterthought. 'I need to sort some things out with Copley in person, so I'll see you at the apartment. Who's driving?' she asks, dangling the keys from her right index finger.

'I am,' Nile says, catching the keys in mid-air and turning on her heels to march determinedly towards the car.

She rarely drives after a mission. Usually she's either too hyped or too exhausted to concentrate but right now she needs something to distract her from lashing out.

As expected, Booker slides into the passenger seat, wincing when he reaches for the seatbelt and Nile grips the steering wheel tightly.

'You ok?' she mutters.

'Yeah, but I feel like I've been trampled by a herd of buffalo,' he says chuckling. 'You?'

'Fine and dandy,' she grits, starting the car and stepping on it as soon as the others huddle in the back seat.

All throughout the drive to the safehouse she notices Booker casting furtive glances at her but she deliberately stares ahead at the road, making sure to keep both hands on the steering wheel. The guys have most likely noticed the chilly atmosphere because they're unusually subdued. Joe is talking about something but she can't really focus on his story, so she tunes him out and concentrates on getting to the apartment as soon as possible.

The second they're inside and their shoes are off, she grabs Booker by the hand and drags him to their room, ignoring Joe's and Nicky's catcalls and Quynh's laughter. She all but slams the bedroom door and turns to glare at him murderously.

'What the fuck is wrong you?' she snaps and Booker's sly smile immediately falters.

'What?' he asks incredulously.

'Did you think I was dragging you here to have sex?'

'Um.. no?'

'You're unbelievable!' she huffs. 'Fucking unbelievable. I swear I could punch you right now!'

'Ok, what the hell are you on about?' he asks, now sounding pissed off too. Good, Nile thinks pettily.

'How many times did you get shot?' she asks, straining not to raise her voice but knowing full well she will fail sooner rather than later.

'I don't know. What does it matter?'

'Fine, let's make it easier. How many times did you die?'

'I don't know,' he mumbles obstinately, crossing his arms.

'Yes, you do! Twice. And in case you don't remember the circumstances, both of them happened because you _jumped in front of me_!' Nile's voice crescendos on the last words. 'Wanna hear something even funnier?' she asks, sarcasm dripping from every word. 'It's probably the third or fourth mission you're doing this so I'm gonna ask you one more time: what the fuck is wrong with you?'

She's shouting. So much for struggling to keep her voice down. Oh well, fuck it. Booker is staring at her defiantly, gaze impenetrable and jaws clenched but he purposefully stays quiet and Nile feels like she's about to lose it.

'God damn it, Seb! Say something!' she yells.

'What do you want me to say?' he yells back. 'That I'm sorry for protecting you? That I-'

'I don't _need_ your protection, I can handle things on my own.''

'That's beside the point. It's my job to take care of you,' he snaps, lifting his left hand and wiggling his fingers to show her his wedding band.

'No, it's not, you fucking idiot!' Nile roars. 'Your job,' she continues, lifting her own left hand and showing him _her_ wedding band, 'is to be my partner. I need you next to me. Not in front of me, not behind me, _next to me_!'

She feels a few tears trickling down her cheeks and damn it, she's always been like this, so emotional when really angry that she invariably starts crying and it makes her even angrier. She wipes her eyes hurriedly and raises both hands when Booker takes one step towards her, eyes wide and concern painted all over his face. He hates seeing her cry.

'Don't!' she sniffles, wiping more traitorous tears and Booker stops in his tracks, looking like he's been punched in the gut. 

Nile leans on the door, closing her eyes and sighing tiredly. She's furious and exhausted and she feels guilty for rejecting him. 'I can't do this anymore,' she murmurs defeatedly, feeling completely devoid of energy.

Booker whimpers like a scared animal and the sound is so heartbreaking that she immediately opens her eyes, only to see him looking horror-stricken, eyes wide and glazed. Fuck, that sounded like hell, she realises a bit too late, so she rushes to elaborate.

'I can't corner you and pull the words out of your mouth whenever something's troubling you. You need to talk to me, Seb, just like you talk to me about everything else,' she says in a much softer tone.

Booker's entire posture sags in palpable relief and he lets out a breath he'd been holding for probably too long. Did he actually think she was breaking things off? Nile shakes her head in disbelief.

'So?' she prompts.

He drags a hand over his face, smearing the blood on his forehead even more and then looks confusedly at his palm. She'd guessed right, he hadn't known it was there and she feels herself bristling again.

'Juba,' he says simply.

'What?'

'The artisanal bomb,' he adds, grimacing at the memory.

Yeah, she remembers. Her entire right side had been obliterated, her arm missing from below the elbow. Nicky had told her afterwards that her femur had been almost shattered too. One of her more gruesome deaths. The pain had been blinding and she can't remember how long it had taken until she had died. She can't remember most of it, to be fully honest, just the explosion and then waking up to Booker holding her tightly, rocking back and forth and crying desperately. Everything in between is a blank space.

'That was six weeks ago!' she cries and damn it, she's getting worked up again so she launches herself at him, hitting his chest angrily. 'Why didn't you say anything? What the hell, Seb, I need you to be able to talk to me!' 

'What the fuck did you want me to say?' he shouts, grabbing her wrists and holding her at a slight distance. 'That I've been having nightmares of you dying in my arms every single night for the past six weeks? That you died bleeding out and in excruciating pain? That you were so delirious that you kept begging me to kill you so that it would end more quickly? That it took fifteen minutes for you to come back and each one felt like a fucking century? That I prayed in all the damned languages I know that you wouldn't leave me alone? Is this what you wanted to hear?'

Booker's eyes are blazing and his chest is heaving and Nile can't even begin to process everything he's said. He lets go of her wrists and turns around, leaning on his hands on the window ledge. 

'You have no idea what it felt like.'

'Oh, so you think it's better if _I_ keep watching you die?' she snaps. 'It doesn't matter how it happens, I still see you fall to the ground and I'm always paralysed with fear that you won't come back. How the fuck does _that_ work, huh?'

Great, she's shouting again. This is what happens when you don't normally argue with someone, you can't even fight without yelling at each other. Damn their fucking awesome relationship, it hasn't prepared either of them for a moment like this.

'I don't know, ok? I don't know!' Booker cries, turning around to face her. 'I guess I'm selfish. I'm selfish and stupid and a fucking emotional mess and you deserve so much better. And no matter how hard I try to be good enough for you, I still find myself thinking sometimes that one day you'll realise that this is completely out of balance,' he says, gesturing between the two of them, 'and you'll want out of it. And I swear to god I won't hold it against you!' he finishes heatedly, staring dejectedly at the ground.

Nike looks at him for a few moments, mouth slightly open and blinking slowly. After all this time he's still unsure and it sends a stab of pain directly to her heart. She doesn't know whether to punch him or kiss him but when he raises his eyes to meet hers, he looks so vulnerable and scared that she immediately makes up her mind.

It takes just two strides to reach him and when she does, Nile grabs his face to pull him down at her height and crushes his lips with her own. Booker's brain seems to shut down because for a long moment he's just frozen to the spot. But when she reaches to card her fingers through his hair, pulling slightly along the way, he instantly resurfaces from wherever in his head he'd been, pulling her tightly against his chest and kissing her back just as forcefully.

In one swift motion he turns them around and presses her against the wall and when she bites his lower lip and he moans in her mouth, she's suddenly reminded of their first undercover mission. It seems so long ago and yet, it's as if it were yesterday. She blames immortality for her distorted perception of time.

'I love you so damn much!' Booker pants against her mouth when they break apart for air and it only serves to ignite the spark.

She quickly unzips his hoodie and pushes it down his arms, deliberately ignoring the many holes and the dried blood and resumes kissing him fervently. It's when she starts lifting the hem of his T-shirt that Booker wavers.

'What are you doing?'

'Taking off your clothes,' she replies plainly.

'Why?'

'What do you mean why?' she asks, pulling back to look at him. He's delectably flushed, lips swollen and hair mussed and the confused look in his eyes only makes him more enticing. 'How else are we supposed to have sex?'

'I thought you were mad at me.'

'Oh, I am. But I also love you so much I can barely breathe and you died on me today. Twice.'

'I'm sorry,' he says quietly.

'No, you're not, but we'll work on that later. Now shut up and be a positive outlet for my anger and frustration before I start hitting you again!'

A sly smile appears on Booker's face, the same one he'd been sporting back when they'd first entered the bedroom and his eyes zero in on hers, instantly making her lose her breath.

'How do you want me?' he whispers huskily. 'On my knees?'

He doesn't wait for her reply, letting himself fall to his knees in front of her, hands already working on undoing the string of her tac pants. He pulls them down her legs together with her panties, helping her step out of them and Nile's thoughts are getting more and more clouded with every passing second. His breath on her curls sends shivers throughout her entire body and when he looks at her from under thick eyelashes, all the blood in her brain rushes south.

'Let me know when I'm forgiven,' Booker whispers, throwing one of her legs over his shoulder and burying his face between her thighs.

'Oh, god!' she moans loudly, placing one hand on his shoulder for balance and the other on the wall behind her. 'Seb!'

He hums something and the vibrations make her light-headed, so she squeezes her eyes shut and focuses on the onrush of sensations. He starts slowly, with long stripes between her folds that make her toes curl and her skin prickle but he loses patience very quickly, switching to fast lapping, hands splayed on her ass to keep her exactly where he wants her.

'Fuck! Don't- Don't stop! Please, don't stop, I'm- _Oh my god_!' Nile's ramblings turn into a full-on shout when he starts vigorously licking and sucking on her clit.

She's lost track of time and space and her own fucking name because there's nothing left in the entire universe apart from him and his wonderful mouth. Her hand has moved to his hair of its own accord, her eyes are still tightly shut and her thighs are trembling and Booker is making all sorts of filthy sounds that she only hears when he's going down on her and it's all just _too much_.

'Seb.. Seb! I'm-, I'm-, FUCK!!'

There's an explosion of colour behind closed eyelids and she tightens her fingers in his hair almost painfully, struggling to remain standing. Booker's hands move to her hips to keep her upright and he keeps licking her greedily.

'Seb, stop,' she gasps and he sits back on his haunches to look at her, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

His pupils are so blown that the blue is barely visible and he has such a hungry look in his eyes that it makes Nile whimper softly. She's leaning against the wall and he's still on his knees, fully dressed and the entire image makes her brain glitch.

'Seb..' she whispers because there's not much else in her head except his name.

'Tell me. Whatever you want.'

'Fuck me,' she says and he always comes undone when she's this direct.

Booker scrambles to his feet and crowds her space, slipping his tongue in her mouth and he tastes like _her_. His T-shirt is the first to fly somewhere behind him, followed by her sweatshirt and sports bra. She falters for a second when she sees the dried blood on his chest but Booker resumes kissing her frantically, so she closes her eyes and pushes the image away from her mind.

He takes his pants and boxers off clumsily because he's intent on not breaking the kiss and then he grabs the back of her thighs and lifts her easily, pressing her against the wall. Nile wraps her legs around his waist and squeezes one hand between their bodies to guide him inside.

Booker hisses and she moans and when he's buried to the hilt, he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, resting his forehead on hers.

'I love you,' she says quietly.

'I'm a fucking mess,' he mutters, pulling out of her slowly and then pushing back in.

'I've known all along,' she teases but the delivery is a bit off because she's already out of breath. 'Seb, please,'' she whines, 'harder!'

Booker's lips curl up mischievously and he starts moving gradually faster until his hips are literally slamming into hers. Nile leans forward to kiss him but the angle is not right, so it's sloppy and messy and it turns her on even more.

'Fuck, this feels so good!' she exclaims and Booker chuckles breathlessly.

'Why do you sound so surprised?' he pants against her ear and she bites down hard on his neck in retaliation.

'Fucking hell!' he hisses. 'Do that again,' and it's her turn to chuckle.

'Don't stop!' she mumbles in between open-mouthed kisses and bites on his neck and shoulder, moaning loudly after a particularly hard thrust. 'Oh, god, like that! Just like that!'

'Touch yourself,' he pants.

'Seb-'

'Please,' he moans.

It's almost always like this, both of them end up begging and Nile doesn't even know which is more arousing, her unravelling when he pleads or him losing it when she keeps calling his name. Booker readjusts her in his arms to make room for her hand and the new angle is genuinely mind-blowing. He keeps hitting the perfect spot and Nile feels like a fucking dam that's about to break, so she doesn't even bother to move her hand, closing her eyes instead and focusing on the steady rhythm.

'Nile, please!'

'No need. Just.. don't stop!' she manages to gasp and it feels like all the air has left her lungs. 'Don't stop,' she gasps again and then the entire universe shatters violently around her.

All her senses blend together and she could swear that for a couple of moments she can see sounds in the shape of white flashes and taste the air around her. Her skin is burning, blood is pounding in her ears and she can feel her heart beating so fast that for a split second she's afraid it will actually stop. Some remote part of her brain registers that Booker is still moving in and out of her but she's so far gone, floating blissfully inside her own head that she misses his orgasm completely.

'Are you still with me?' he asks breathlessly.

Nile opens her eyes slowly then frowns in confusion. They were up against the wall and now Booker is sitting on the edge of the bed, still holding her and still inside her and she has no idea when or how this happened. She nods, smiling dumbly and he chuckles quietly.

'You look like you're high.'

'I think I am,' she shrugs. 'Shower?' 

'Can we leave it for tomorrow morning?' Booker asks hopefully.

'Again? You know we're gonna end up regretting it,' she warns but he just shrugs so she shrugs as well.

Booker maneuvers them with practiced moves until they're both lying down and he pulls quickly out of her. She still feels come trickling out and she hisses unhappily.

'Sorry,' he grimaces but she just waves her hand dismissively, turning around to face him.

'Do you know when I fell in love with you?' she murmurs after a minute of silence.

'When?'

'In Lisbon.'

'What?!' Booker asks, obviously shocked.

'Well, probably before that, but in Lisbon I had the epiphany. You know, that night we went out.'

'I had no idea.'

'Do you know why I'm telling you this?' Nile continues. 'Because quite a lot of time had passed between Lisbon and Tokyo and by that point I'd already lost most of my patience. Anyway, the point is... I've always been one hundred percent sure about this, about you. And it hurts to hear you think I'm not.'

Booker's face falls and he looks very remorseful. She really doesn't want to hurt him in any way but they still have a conversation to finish and even though she's not angry anymore, she can't just leave it hanging.

'I didn't mean it like that. I know you are, just like I know you know _I_ am,' he smiles weakly at his convoluted sentences. 'It's just-'

'If you're gonna say you're not good enough again I swear I'm gonna scream,' Nile cuts him off. 'You do realise it's a bit insulting, too, as if I were incapable of deciding what's good for me.'

'I'm sorry.'

'Are you really?'

'Yes,' Booker replies heatedly. 'For everything. For making you cry. For getting myself killed. For not talking to you about it. For hurting you,' he finishes on a whisper. 'I am _so_ sorry and I need you to tell me how to fix it,' he pleads with glassy eyes.

'Talk to me,' Nile murmurs, caressing his hair and resting her palm on his cheek.

'I wanted to, I swear I did. But I figured it wouldn't do much good to make you relive the entire thing. I hoped the nightmares would go away. And if you hadn't called me out on it tonight, I wouldn't have realised I've been so reckless. The last thing I wanted was to hurt you, you _have_ to believe me!'

'I do believe you,' Nile says and takes a deep breath because here comes the most delicate part. 'The thing is, I don't remember anything after the explosion and then when I woke up, you were crying and mumbling something I couldn't understand. And apart from being extra rash for the past couple of missions, you've been acting normally. I didn't even realise you were having nightmares, Seb. Which makes me wonder, what would have happened if I hadn't cornered you tonight? Would you have bottled everything up for the next year? Decade? Century?'

Booker winces, closing his eyes and swallowing audibly. It's not necessarily a low blow, but Nile knows she's turning the knife a little in a wound that will probably never fully close.

'I'm really trying not to make the same mistakes again but I've really fucked it up and I don't know how to make it right,' he mumbles and his voice is shaking so badly, as if he were seconds away from crying.

'Tell me about that day.'

'Please don't make me do this.'

'I don't wanna hear the gory details, just how you felt,' she presses and Booker takes a deep breath.

'Scared. Petrified, actually. Helpless. Small. Alone. So alone,' he chokes and then he breaks down.

Nile turns on her back, pulls him closer, shifting until his whole body is covering hers and wraps her arms tightly around him. He's sobbing in her neck, shaking and gasping for air and it hurts so much to see him like this but she knows he'll feel a lot better afterwards. A few tears fall from her eyes too, but it's nothing compared to his meltdown.

It takes a long time until he manages to calm down and all the while Nile strokes his hair and whispers how much she loves him.

'I'm sorry,' he finally sniffles, moving to lie down facing her again.

'I'm sorry too.'

'For what?' Booker asks disbelievingly.

'For assuming you're ok. Next time I'll know better.'

'Next time you won't have to corner me, I promise!'

'I know,' she smiles softly. 'Now, do we really not want to shower?' she asks and Booker chuckles quietly.

'Give me ten more minutes.'

'Ok, but _you_ change the sheets.'

'Deal,' he smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> The night in Lisbon that Nile mentions is explored in detail in [Take me out](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27303151), while their first undercover mission is described in [Glimpses](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27590005).
> 
> You can also find me on [Tumblr](https://energievie.tumblr.com/) in case you wanna say hi :)


End file.
